so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
