You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
