Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
time to smoke my breakfast
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
