if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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