My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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