we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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