Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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