i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
