Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
