Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
only you would photoshop your dick
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
