I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We have so much sex to catch up on
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
