Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
