Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
