im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
