These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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