Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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