if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
