just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
