So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize