ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
