just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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