69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
