She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
