i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I would fuck him just for his dog
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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