i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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