so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
