Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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