u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
