Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We got so high we made milksteak
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
