you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
