We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
