just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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