Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
