It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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