Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
