If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
