Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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