No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
