I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
