My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
How does it feel to date your dad?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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