There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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