I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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