i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
