What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
