remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
