im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize