I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
