I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
