Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
