No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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