mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
