There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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