Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
