You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
