In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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