she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
