ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
