her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
