Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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