I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
