shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
