Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
