I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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