Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
