I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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