Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
