You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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